The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
