plz talk dirty to me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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