DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
