I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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