it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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