Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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