I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
