No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
