My friends, they love my intelligence
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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