in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
