i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
