was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
