Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
from now on my penis is your penis
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
