hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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