Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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