but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
