Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
