his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
