I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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