Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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