A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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