I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
