i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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