To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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