just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
