Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
