I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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