i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
