You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
