I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
