btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
