I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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