im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
