The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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