I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
