dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
