i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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