It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
