Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
