I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
