I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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