sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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