I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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