she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
