New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
