so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
