My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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