woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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