drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
