Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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