Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sober January is a disaster.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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