I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
