I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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