Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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